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When the last angel falls, the fight for mankind begins.
REVIEWED BY THE HORRORIST

God has lost faith in humanity and sends an army of angels to end the world. Michael, the lone angel who's love for man won't let him abandon us, fights alongside a group of unlikely heroes to protect the unborn child who is man's last hope.

This movie is scary as Hell. Good Lord, everything that happens is creepy and nasty in a way only the Bible can inspire. I'm endlessly fascinated and horrified by the different ways religious people envision God. Some see him as really into rules, some see him as a hippie personification of love and joy, while others see Him as a God of almost pure hatred. Some Gods love everyone, some only love white people, or heterosexuals, or people who worship only a certain way, or ones that have had the right water splashed on them, or were born of certain parentage, or vote for the right person, or follow the right rules...

My point is, the God you choose to believe in is a refection of you, and those with dark hearts have a very dark God indeed, and that's the one this movie is about. This is the bloodthirsty God of the people who pour over Revelations and pray for doomsday. It's a horror movie and it's scary as Hell.


Some houses are born bad.
REVIEWED BY CRAZYBABY

Steven Kings Rose Red miniseries is about a sleeping house, the Rimbauer estate, based upon the popular Winchester mansion. Professor Joyce Reardon, Nancy Travis, is funding a project where a group of people with psychic powers gather together at the Rimbauer estate for a chance to gather data to prove paranormal activity exists. Reardon’s co-worker Professor Miller, David Dukes, is out to shut her down no matter what the cost. The collaboration of psychic energy, a houses hunger, and a professor’s desire for proof may be too much for this arrogant professor to handle.

I really enjoyed this four hour long mini-series. Although lengthy it allowed you to get to know each character a bit personally so you could make your own determination of what you thought and felt for each one. I loved Nick and Annie but, I didn’t care so much for Emery or Bollinger right off. I never had a gasping moment in the entire show but, there were a couple of parts where it disturbed a nerve or two, the thing under the carpet. The puppetry was not the most impressive but the setting was amazing.

I laughed a few times even; Emery’s mother getting dragged away killed me I had to watch it twice. Karma is such a bitch but, I love her.


REVIEWED BY MONKEYGHOUL

A group of university students, roughing it in the harsh, remote wilderness, closes in on a cache of gold once possessed by a brutal regiment of Nazi soldiers buried nearby. Unfortunately for our hapless, horny heroes, the Nazi soldiers weren’t buried very deep, and are now closing in on them.

“Wait a sec, is this a review of Dead Snow or Oasis of the Zombies?”

If that thought occurred to you, you have my sympathies; you sound like a total zombie geek. (If you're not, why in the world were you watching Oasis of the Zombies? You have my sympathies there, too.) Anyway, despite the plot points shared with Oasis (and even a nearly identical prologue), Dead Snow rises above its brethren as certainly the best Nazi zombie movie to come out in decades.

Actually, it has less of a plot than nearly all of the Nazi zombie movies I’ve seen — except for 1977’s atmospheric Shock Waves, which is telling. I guess less is more; too many of these Nazi zombie flicks bog themselves down with backstory or tepid plot twists. Dead Snow does it right for what it is, offering just enough explanation to set things up and add to the suspense before moving on to the undead mayhem we’ve all been waiting for.


REVIEWED BY BADKITTY

Zé do Caixão (or "Coffin Joe"), the cinematic alter ego of Brazilian film maker Jose Mojica Marins, is an odd phenomenon. Apparently, the Coffin Joe movies are pretty well known in Brazil, which I find sort of amazing. Not because they are terrible, though they are by most standards. It is because they are so very, deeply weird (and famously censored), and I just find it hard to imagine anything so weird finding renown beyond the ranks of cult film enthusiasts. Then again, Cannibal Holocaust was supposedly the highest grossing film in Japanese history, so maybe we Americans, with our conventional ideas of propriety and, oh, plot, are the outliers.

Well, for a Coffin Joe movie, The Strange Hostel of Naked Pleasures is downright conventional. The plot is not exactly linear, but because it is clearly allegorical from the start the deviations from realism are easier to swallow. There are relatively few long speeches on the nature of immortality, faith and sin (though lots of short ones), not too many scenes are completely abstract representations of heaven or hell, and, for the most part, you know more or less what is going on. In fact, the basic plot is one that I've seen used as the framing device in multiple "horror anthology" films.


N e w e s t . P o s t s . i n . t h e . F o r u m s

[Scrawled in Blood] DVD Purchases and Rentals by Splatterscribe Today at 06:45:14 AM
[Scrawled in Blood] Cabin in the Woods by WL Paynecraft May 19, 2013, 03:44:18 PM
[Scrawled in Blood] Lords of Salem by Lord J May 19, 2013, 08:06:59 AM
[Scrawled in Blood] Hannibal by GeneralCinema May 17, 2013, 08:46:12 PM
[Book of the Dead] Quote of the Day by Splatterscribe May 14, 2013, 06:24:16 AM
[Scrawled in Blood] This is going to rock...literally by Splatterscribe May 08, 2013, 11:45:04 AM
[Book of the Dead] Music by GeneralCinema May 03, 2013, 07:57:19 PM
[Scrawled in Blood] The Purge by Vamp Vixen May 02, 2013, 03:16:22 PM


REVIEWED BY THE HORRORIST

A tourist is given a mysterious magic game called "Mamba" that was created during the Spanish Inquisition. The winner of the game will have a wish granted, and the losers will all die horribly.

This flick has some of the most unlikable characters I've encountered in my life, I spent the first thirty minutes of this film looking forward to seeing some of them die later on. Of course the lovely Eliza Dushku was the exception. Once the group broke out the game and started rolling dice and moving little wooden miniatures I felt myself getting interested. I'm an OG nerd, started with first edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons and my addictions have only grown, so a movie about a game does appeal to me. Although I am reasonably sure the modern boardgame with it's rolling dice, moving pieces, then picking cards, wasn't really an idea during the Dark Ages, but if I can believe in ghosts and all manner of beasties, I can believe in ancient Hasbro.

The deaths all fall somewhere between cringe-worthy and damn nasty. Seriously, this is one vicious game. It seems like more and more horror movies are really taking advantage of the freedom of an "R" rating.


Even nice people can go to hell.
REVIEWED BY SPLATTERSCRIBE

Pity poor Christine Brown (Alison Lohman). All she wants to do is earn the Assistant Bank Manager job she’s worked so hard for and settle into a life of domestic bliss with her loving and good natured fiancee, psychiatrist Clay Dolton (Justin Long).

Unfortunately , a couple of things stand in her way. One is that her new, ass kissing co-worker has commanded the attention of her employer Mr. Jacks (David Paymer). Also, Clay’s parents -old school elitists from the word go- are not so willing to greet this former farm girl with open arms. Oh and did I mention that Christine has pissed off an evil gypsy woman (Lorna Raver) and is facing the possibility of literally being pulled into the bowels of Hell?

That’s right horror fans, sit back, strap yourselves in and prepare to be taken for one hell of a wild ride, because Sam “groovy” Raimi has returned to the genre which made him a star with this latest terror offering, the deliciously diabolical and furiously funny bone cracker Drag Me to Hell.

When elderly gypsy Sylvia Ganush appears at the bank where Christine works, all she wants is an extension on her loan so that she doesn’t have to lose her home. Christine, who handles the loan department, could grant the extension, but if she doesn’t- her boss informs her- the bank will turn a profit on repossessing the Ganush house. This, he informs her, is one of those tough decisions which employees need to learn to make in order to become Assistant Bank Managers. Take a wild guess what choice Christine makes?


REVIEWED BY BADKITTY

First, a warning: If you really dislike Jane Austin, you will probably not love this book. That is because this revision of Pride and Prejudice is not really a rewriting of the original; it pretty much stays the same, but with zombies added. It is still about 85% Jane Austin, and 15% zombies. The zombie fighting and carnage are actually quite good, but you do feel, during some of the longer passages where people just socialize, that the second author is throwing in the odd zombie reference as an empty gesture, and you start wishing for some proper gore and carnage. God help me ensure that my high school English lit teacher never finds out I said that, but it is true. Anyhow, I am not sure the zombie action is sufficient to make up for a loathing of Regency-period comedies of manners.

On the other hand, if you have never read Pride and Prejudice or Jane Austin, I am really not sure what you will make of the book. It certainly stands on its own, but I'm not sure it does so purely as as zombie fiction. If you just want a good zombie novel, go read World War Z (seriously: go read it right now if you haven't already), or any of a number of other fine classics.

If, however, you read Pride & Prejudice in high school, remember it more or less (waspish heroine starts off hating the rich, arrogant guy she ends up marrying, and various people act like idiots due to snobbery and misunderstanding), and you didn't hate it, you will probably get a major kick out of it when zombies are added. Because, really, what isn't improved by the addition of some brain-eating savagery by the walking dead? (Zombies are kind of like salsa in that.)


Something unspeakable has come home.
REVIEWED BY BADKITTY

Andy Brooks is killed in Vietnam. Back home, his parents are informed of his death, but his mother can't accept it, sitting awake at night praying and repeating over and over that he promised to come home and can't die. Later that night Andy does arrive home, but something is horribly different. Despite Andy's strange behavior, and the concerns of his father and sister, Andy's mother refuses to acknowledge that anything has changed. But Andy is dead, and others soon start to turn up horribly mutilated. (Andy died for them, after all, why shouldn't they return the favor?)

Originally titled Dead of Night (and released under about six other names as well), this film is something of a classic, and with good reason. Directed by Bob Clark and written by Alan Ormsby (the team that brought you Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things, Deranged, Popcorn and, um Porky's II), and featuring Tom Savini's makeup debut, this is an absolutely terrific movie, nevermind horror movie.

Something on the box described this as a version of The Monkey's Paw, which I guess is correct, if by that they mean reversing the ending and taking that as a new starting point.

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