Mike, his wife and his 10-year-old daughter have traveled to a small town where Mike’s grandmother lived. She just passed away and left him a house with a bunch of crap in the basement. Whilst rummaging around in the basement, the timid and careless daughter knocks over and rips a big painting of George Washington. Behind the painting is a letter presumably written by GW himself that could rewrite American history if authenticated. This secret however, has been known by a select few all along. They still practice the ghastly acts of this secret and vow to destroy anybody who stumbles across it intent on revealing it.

This is a fun little episode of Masters of Horror from season 2. It’s directed by Peter Medak, whoever the hell that is. There’s several holes in the story and it gets ridiculous at the end. This is what ultimately downgrades it from intriguing and compelling to fun and not-so-serious.

The conspiracy theory was great and had lots of potential, but got watered down by buffoons running around in makeup and colonial garb. Perhaps a more supernatural angle would have been more effective.

The gore was good, but unfortunately often revolved around people eating, which is revolting. No nudity. Average acting. Annoying daughter (with no backstory). Annoying old people. Classic stereotypical college professor friend who knew the secret all along. Bold, funny, and ridiculous ending.

To summarize, I liked this episode, but feel it could’ve been so much more. I think it could’ve even been a full blown movie if done right. I give it 7 out of 10 weird suggestions with no backstory.

This review was fueled by Cold.