Zombie Chronicles is two short stories wrapped in a third, all centering around zombies. First we have Tara, who’s researching creepy legends around a small town she can’t find, she meets Ebenezer of the flat and bizarre delivery. Seriously, I’ve never seen anything like this guy, his acting was the strangest thing I’d ever seen, and his dialog was the most unnatural. He was supposed to be a quirky character, but it was a little too much. The secret to not letting it bug you too much is to focus on how hot Tara is, and what a shame we don’t get to see much more of her.

Ebenezer, when he can stop with the oddball mannerisms long enough, tells her a couple tales of zombie mayhem.

The first being an interesting little story of a prick drill sergeant and his tramp wife. The best thing about this movie is how you get disappointed with the first zombie, then realize it wasn’t disappointing at all. The second story is a completely over-the-top story of an evil cowboy zombie, his psycho-ear-eating wife, and their daughter who is still a child despite being born well over a hundred years ago.

Neither tale is anything to write home about, the stories are mediocre at best, but that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy them. I liked the flick. It’s not going to make many top ten lists or go down in the zombie hall of fame, but I was entertained. Even when a story was weak, it was enough to keep me interested, which is a lot more than can be said for lots.

The biggest complaints I have are the times when the plot and dialog goes too far and gives up any realism, and the little girl who’s parents were cowboy zombies. She was so fucking annoying and her acting was even more so. Also again we’re treated to a complete lack of skin, despite a five minute sex scene. Disappointing.

On the other hand, the gore was top-notch, really good and pretty abundant. There was some true talent involved in the gut eating and at one point a woman is left alive with her face torn off – truly excellent and quite nasty.

Also when one guy gets pissed at a zombie and starts beating it with a stick, I about pissed myself laughing. All these years of people being eaten by zombies and none of them ever considered just beating zombie ass!

Another point worth bringing up was the score and soundtrack, it seems like it’s not a big concern until you watch a bunch of flicks with lousy ones. Zombie Chronicles wasn’t one of these, the music was all done well and the songs fit perfectly. Someone was putting some effort into this one.

3 out of 10 faceless babes that never showed skin