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A large hybrid snake has escaped and is on the loose in the small
town of Ruby. It will soon be up to a few local residents and
scientist Dr. Rudolf to either capture the snake or destroy it.
Thats the best intro I can give this shitcoil of a movie.
Once again the military has somehow come across a snake hybrid
that they are trying to use as a weapon. Why does the military
in these movies always want the snake, bear or mutated armadillo
for some kind of weapon? I doubt that the day will ever come when
we send in 80 foot snakes as our first form of shock troops, anyway
on to the review.
Robert
Englund plays Dr. Rudolf, although he is supposed to be creepy,
I thought I was watching a Colonel Sanders Biography on Bravo.
As bad as he was, Casper Van Dien is even worse. Van Dien plays
Bart Parker, some kind of military guy, and he is horrible. First
he has a 70's gay porn mustache and talks with a horrible southern
accent which sounds more like a queer lisp, he looks and acts
like a slightly butch Freddy Mercury. I'm quite sure the only
snake this character ever got close to was a tube snake.
We
also get Jenny McCarthy in a cameo and she does not even shed
her clothing. I love it when the only two things your famous for,
tits and bush, are not even shown. Yeah Jenny, I know you wanna
be a serious actress, with choices like this youre on your
way, just keep taking your clothes off and we'll all be happy.
We also get William Zabuka as deputy Greg Larson. Who is William
Zabuka? you ask, well he played the evil Johnny in the Karate
Kid, ya know the blonde guy from the Cobra Kahns. He leads the
dip shit Ruby police force, I wanted them all to get ate, annoying
all of them.
The
snake itself looks semi-bad at time to down right terrible. There
is a scene where the snake is trying to eat our hero, and Cooper
thwarts the huge snake by punching it in the snout. Yeah, when
a 80 foot snake strikes at you, just punch it in the nose! When
the snake leaves scales laying around they look like old ziplock
bags. From the moment this film started I wanted it to end, bad
bad bad.
The
snake can spit acid and can decapitate you with it's tail, it
is also 80 foot long and weighs about 12 ton, yet it can creep
through a dog door, uuugggghh.
This
movie was as about as pleasant as shitting a piece of reef coral,
avoid at all cost.
1
of 10
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