|
The
Pod People is actually two storylines rolled haphazardly into
one. The problem is both storylines are really, really shitty,
so much so I use the term “storylines” very loosely.
In the first one an evil alien who looks like ALF roams about
the forest and outskirts killing folks who happen by. In the second
a girly little boy keeps a pet alien baby who looks like ALF and
tries to protect him from evil humans who think aliens are evil
(see storyline one for justification). Don’t worry, it’s
not hard to tell the storylines apart because it’s day in
one and night in the other, even when they intersect. Ok, I was
being a smartass there, the reason you don’t need to worry
is because both storylines are so shitty you won’t care what’s
happening.
I
don’t have time to list the shortcomings of this ass-flavored
flick, I thought it would be easier to name the good. Wrong, there’s
no good.
The
film is done so poorly that at one time a man knocks on a door
on a balmy afternoon and the man inside (where it’s night)
says “Who’d be knocking this time of night?”
That’s
just the shining example, day becomes night becomes day at random
throughout the film, and at one point it seems to change seasons
within a few minutes.
There
aren’t any “pod people” in The Pod People, the
people in question come from eggs. That’s not a big deal
in comparison to all the problems going on, and if you look at
the long list of names they passed this shitpile off as, you’ll
understand more about it. The most telling is “Return of
E.T.” The film was supposed to be a crappy horror flick,
but after the success of E.T. they rushed to add an equally crappy
rip off to the story. Things like season, and time of day were
given the same careful consideration that quality, acting and
production values were. Please don’t miss the sarcasm there.
At
one point in this film, about forty-five minutes in, I actually
said aloud, “What the fuck is going on?” I was actually
given a little brain damage by this shit. I’m still looking
for someone to sue.
The
one ray of light in this shitstorm is that Mystery Science
Theater 3000 did a version of this movie and it completely
kicks ass. There’s seemingly no end of things to make fun
of, and the MST3K crew make good use of it. Under no circumstances
are you to watch the original version of this movie, for your
own well-being.
1
out of 10 time-warping doors
|
Main
Menu
Submissions
Search
the Site
