The Pit is a psychedelic story of a perverted misfit kid and his interactions with society. It also has some prehistoric monsters that tear apart humans and eat them. I remember watching this movie when I was very young. I remember digging it and also thinking it was scary. I must have seen the edited-for-television version though, because I definitely didn’t remember all the partial nudity that went on. Anyway, here is the lowdown.

Jamie is a 12 year old kid. He is constantly bullied and picked on. He is also Certifiable. He is clearly not adapting to adolescence too well and seems to be developing a stalker personality. He also has a teddy bear that talks to him. His name is Teddy and his voice sounds amazingly like Jamie’s voice through a coffee can. Anyway, Teddy seems to be the brains of the outfit and he causes Jamie to get into even more shit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Jamie found this big pit in the woods and it has monsters in it, which he calls Tralalogs. They are vicious little guys and they are not vegetarians.

I give this movie credit for actually showing these monsters and not hiding them until the last two minutes of the movie, which many movies do today.

After having enough of being abused by his friends and neighbors, Jamie and Teddy decide to go apeshit and exact revenge on all these fuckers who were messing with Jamie. This is some good old fashioned Neighborhood Prehistoric Justice (NPJ). A little girl who constantly teases Jamie? Fuck it! Take her bike and throw her in da pit. A bully who punches Jamie and won’t let him join his club? Fuck it, push him AND his girlfriend in the pit (not before removing her tutu though and giving her a very chilling speech while she is unconscious). An old woman in a wheel chair who always yells at Jamie? Push her into the pit and drive her wheel chair around. You get my point. Justice served up hot.

There is some pretty good gore in the movie, but not a lot of it is on screen. There is some bone crunching and chowing down on humans. Not bad for a movie almost 25 years old.

You get 4 or 5 nudie shots for the men (and 12 year old boys with overdeveloped sexual urges). Nothing to write home about, but not bad for a movie that I didn’t think originally had ANY nudity in it.

There are some pretty weird scenes, apart from the quirky acting at times. One time, Jamie and Teddy plan to fake this girl’s kidnapping to get this woman to doff her top. Pretty ingenious in my opinion, albeit overkill. Anyway, he pre-records this telephone call to this woman making the demands. He does this so he can man the camera in front of the window. Yes, you guessed it. The pre-recorded conversation allows for unforeseen pauses and predicts exactly what the other party is going to say. He planned a whole conversation, recorded it, and that is exactly how it played out. Unbelievable. Anyway, watch the movie to see if it actually worked.

There was another instance where the police were looking for all these people that had mysteriously disappeared. They find a wheel chair. It is a grim and serious situation. The sheriff gets into the wheel chair and accidentally drives it into a wall! Was this supposed to be funny? I’m not sure. It’s just really weird timing.

Ok, one more and I’ll quit. There is this hot babe swimming in a lake and a dude on the beach by the lake. Both are apparently Tralalog fodder, but that isn’t my point here. Here is their conversation. Girl: “Wanna go skinny dipping?” Dude: “I’m tired.” She swims away and he cranks up some terrible sounding classic rock on his AM clock radio. What the fuck? That’s not how it was supposed to happen. Do the cheesy early 80’s Horror Movie Gods punish this guy for his obvious lapse of good judgment? I’ll never tell, but probably.

This is a pretty wacked out movie, especially for 1981. In Jamie’s defense, he didn’t have much help. His parents were pretty crazy. His teddy bear really was possessed (you get to see him turn his head once or twice). The Tralalogs didn’t help either. Never mind Jamie was crazy as fuck anyway.

I’m not sure if this movie would go over very well if it was remade. The misfit kid exacting violent revenge on his classmates may hit a little too close to home. The whole pre-adolescent sexual stalker thing is probably a bit uncomfortable also. You could get away with this weird kind of violence back in the 70’s and 80’s when everybody was high, but it doesn’t get by so easily nowadays. I could be wrong though.

I could go on an on about this movie, for good or bad. It is a good weird flick. You’ll laugh, you’ll be offended, and you’ll pull for the bad guys for all the wrong reasons. Paynecraft the Illusive gives this flick 7.5 out of 10 pits full of Tralalogs. They are not as uncommon as you would think. I gave it a .5 adjuster for being sentimental in regards to my childhood.

Too bad we all don’t have a Tralalog pit, eh? If I had one, and you didn’t, I would let you use mine, but I would charge you for it. That’s just business baby.