I’d seen the trailer/previews for Mindhunters on several different DVD’s that I’d rented with the Mistress Flames over the past few months, and we were both intrigued, it looked like our kind of movie. So tooling around the rental joint yesterday we came across it and decided it was time for a rent. Not long into the flick my overly analytical mind kept telling me that I had it figured out and that I would be subject to another horror/thriller/mystery shitfest. Gladly by the ending Mindhunters had proven me oh so wrong.

Mindhunters introduces us to a group of FBI agents who are in the last stages of their profiler training, most of them played by actors I’ve enjoyed in other films, however I was leery at Val Kilmer receiving star billing in this because I’ve never really been a big Kilmer fan but thankfully he’s not in it a whole lot.

So, we learn a little bit about each of our young profilers and what’s going on with them and that a couple of them have weaknesses that the Prof (Kilmer) doesn’t think will allow them to be profilers, however the weekend is upon them and that means that they will all be whisked to a remote island (sans weapons) to take their profiling final so to speak

Fairly quickly when their assignment starts things start to go horribly awry, shit meets fan, and we’re of on what to me has been one of the better psycho-thriller movies I’ve seen in a while.

I just knew I had it figured out quickly, “no wait, it couldn’t be him, it’s her, but that’s probably exactly what the writers want me to think, well jokes on you!” Seriously I thought I had it, and I never really did, I’d brag to my wife about this and that and how there were too many red herrings thrown in, “it’s so obvious, don’t you see it?” She just kind of mumbled that “mmm hmmph” that we all know translates to “shut the hell up and watch the movie.”

The ending came and I was blown away, it’s a murder/mystery kind of flick so it doesn’t end on a twist, but the reveal I never saw coming, the killer even takes us back in the film to illustrate to us when we should have had it, but I never took the bait.

I was surprised at the amount of gore in Mindhunters, granted it’s not over the top but I’ve seen lots of straight up horror flicks with less gore in it than this, so I was happy to say the least. A few jump scares here and there, and a few moments of overacting on Mr. Cool J’s part, but a worthy flick for cerebral members of the ‘Watch to sink their hooks into. Recommended.

Elite Profilers Much more gore than I expected.
Unreliable Prophylactics Some Caruso like acting here and there.
Review Rating: 7 out of 10 reasons to quit smoking NOW!

Whoa, quite a slope we've got here. The first scenes are moody and disturbing but when the movie should actually set the action off, it all goes downhill.

Setting the film on a remote island with only a small group of profilers and a psycho killer around sounded like a foolproof plan. I mean c'mon, how do you fuck that up? Well, it's a fairly complicated process involving a rather dull, uninventive screenplay, irritating characters and hiring LL Cool J. But fear not, they've managed to execute the fucking-up process superbly.

First of all, the "actors". The only one I've managed to spot was Val Kilmer and boy, did he get a staggering 10 minutes of screentime. All the others - let's call them "folks" - are pretty much running around doing one moronic thing after another. Christian Slater sucks like a Hoover but I guess that he's just warming up before Alone In The Dark or something. LL Cool J would be OK if he spent more time acting instead of promoting his latest Greatest Hits collection by posing as a "tough yet friendly seen-it-all-in-the-ghetto thug". Overall, it's pretty funny to see a group of elite FBI specialists acting like a bunch of retarded infants. Also, some of the traps set by the killer should appear in Final Destination 3 because it would take an act of God for them to actually work.

OK, maybe I'm being too much of a bitch with this one. It's not like it's a complete piece of shit and it's not too boring either. There were a couple of nicely shot sequences, particulary a certain gruesome puppet show and the underwater shootout. But great potential was definitely wasted here. And the ending... Was I the only one thinking "So, where's the punchline?"?

Overall, we get a mediocre class B mainstream thriller. Could have been much more.

PROS: The beginning and few other terryfic scenes.
CONS: The script, most of the acting.

RATING: 5 out of 10 mentors on hooks.

The story is as old as an Agatha Christie novel: Several people are trapped on an island, trying to figure out who amoung them is responsible for an increasing body count. The twist here is that each one of them is in training to become a criminal profiler with the FBI. It's a nifty premise: "Ten Little Indians" meets "The Silence of the Lambs."

Every character has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, and in order to survive they must learn what those are, as the killer devises traps that are personalized for specific people. In short, he's quietly profiling [i]everybody[/i] in order to best learn how to kill them.

The action, as is typical for a Renny Harlin film, is pretty thick, especially once the bodies start piling up. However, in spite of the movie's premise involving some of our government's best minds, don't expect much intelligence here. This is strictly paint-by-the-numbers film making, although a couple of kills are pretty inspired (and one, involving a warm human being and a tank full of liquid nitrogen, is exceptional).

The main problem with the film is that it feels strangely pedestrian. "And Then There Were None", "April Fool's Day", "Clue", "Identity" - these are films just off the top of my head that use the same premise as "Mindhunters"; I'm certain there are others. Of course, there may not be [i]any[/i] original ideas left anymore, but it's hard to repackage this one and make it feel fresh.

Basically though, "Mindhunters" is not a bad way to kill a couple of hours. I never once really cared who the killer was (or who lived or died), but the traps and slick style kept my interest.

Pros:Interesting setup. A couple of cool traps. Decent cast.
Cons: Too-familiar theme. Also, some of the ideas we're asked to swallow are a bit far-fetched.
You Decide if it's a Pro or a Con:[/color][/b] Christian Slater's naked ass: You make the call.
Review Rating: 6 out of 10 life-sized puppets.