Yeah, I watched AND reviewed Harpies. This isn’t just Harpies, though. This is Stan Lee’s Harpies. That’s like saying “It wasn’t a C+ in Calculus. It was WL Paynecraft’s C+ in Calculus!” Joking aside, this movie was so bad it was good. It starts in present day. Stephen Baldwin (yes!) plays Jason, an ex-cop-turned museum security guard who’s down on his luck.

Things change however, when an evil scientist and his henchmen break in and attempt to investigate an exhibit. Jason gets the upper hand on the henchmen, but in the melee with the evil scientist, he gets sucked into a time warp and transported back to medieval times. There, he and his shotgun must battle evil wizards and Harpies in an attempt to get back home, all while trying to hook up with a hottie peasant! Yes, my friends, this is Stan Lee’s Harpies.

This is clearly an Army of Darkness rip-off, but the movie is so dreadful that I don’t think anybody cares. The acting is bad (ludicrous at times), the script and dialogue are ridiculous, the plotline is plagiaristic, and the special effects are catastrophically terrible. That’s a lot of negative adjectives!

Still, it was also fun for all these reasons. Stephen Baldwin hams it up without shame or fear of judgment. The fight scenes are awesomely bad. The Harpies are nothing more than women in nightgowns with black eye makeup on. Their special powers are that they hold their hands up like claws.

To summarize, this movie is so terrible that you have to see it. As I get older, my beer chugging and air guitaring Saturday nights are slowly getting replaced with chilling on the couch watching terrible horror flicks. I thank Sci-Fi for making this a pleasant transition (Ice Spiders anyone?). I give this 3 out of 10 movies that could have greatly benefited from a Ted Raimi cameo.

This review was fueled by Monster Lo Carb energy and 3 Inches of Blood. Also, just for the hell of it, “Stan Lee’s Harpies” also spells “Satan’s Herpes Lie”. We all know what this means.