People are dying in Central Park in New York City. They are trying to kill themselves as quickly as they can, however they can. Initially it is believed that terrorists are the culprits behind it all, but this is quickly ruled out. Soon, it’s not just happening in the park, it’s happening in the entire city, and it’s spreading! What is causing this? Is Mother Nature up to her old dirty tricks again? Aliens? Is Humanity doomed? This, my friends, is The Happening.

The Happening is a movie from M. Night Shymamanlayaan. You may know him from such gems as Signs and The Sixth Sense, or from such not-so-gems as The Village and Lady in the Water. Love him or hate him, he always causes a stir when he releases a movie. This movie is no different. After doing a little research beforehand (the life of a horror movie reviewer is NOT all fun and games), I found that most critics (and humans in general) totally threw this movie under the bus. The wild unpopularity of this movie is enigmatic to me, because I think it’s a fucking beauty of a movie.

The movie moves well, its VERY intriguing, and it’s also entertaining. It’s also brutal. The kills made me cringe. I think that was due to several things. They were realistic, they were graphic, and once you knew that somebody was affected (or "happening-ed"), you knew the end result, you just had to wait for "how". A lot of the kills were implied or off-camera as well. This was pulled off nicely and allowed your mind to roam, often making it all the more unsettling. Wrists were cut, throats were slit, necks were stabbed, guns were fired. Your basic backyard BBQ here in West Virginia after a few brewdogs! There’s even a cameo from the ever-destructive riding lawn mower. Good stuff.

Was it perfect? No. I like Marc Wahlberg and John Leguizamo enough, but something wasn’t clicking with their chemistry. There was a silly zoo clip that made me groan with cheddarish displeasure. People criticized Zooey Deschanel as being wooden in this movie, but I don’t think she had much to work with in the script department. I found her character annoying. Some of the ensuing relationship issues and correlating dialogue seemed contrived as well. There were several little issues like these, but they were all small matters.

To summarize, check this movie out, unless you’re prepared to complain about the movie regardless of how it unfolds. Hell, I came into the movie not wanting to like it, on account of the lowest common denominator marketing tactic of saying it was "his first R-rated movie". Why would you market it that way? You’re basically saying that you’re already giving up on selling the movie based on substance and intrigue. These Marketing guys are probably the same jackasses that make me watch 3 or 4 soft drink and cellphone commercials at the theater before they allow me to watch the movie I just fucking paid for. Anyway, I angrily digress. I enjoy "ultimate survival" movies, though they usually don’t end up as good as they start out. This is one of the best (this and The Plague). I give it 8 out of 10 reasons to not carry a gun, or hang out with anybody that does.

This review was fueled by Guinness and Battlelore. Get some.