This is some kind of strange flick, folks. Picking up mere minutes after the final moments of hiss 2007 redux of the original Halloween, Rob Zombie’s Halloween II is a bizarre mixture of moments that just don’t work combined with sequences which are nothing short of brilliant.

The plot: As mentioned above, we pick up with Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor Compton) stumbling along the boulevard in Haddonfield, Ill. still covered with blood and looking like ..well, she looks as if she’s survived a homicidal rampage by Michael Myers. Sherriff Bracken (Brad Dourif, turning in a performance that is a highlight of the film) catches up with her, takes her to safety and she’s on the way to the hospital.

Meanwhile, the seemingly deceased Mr. Myers (Tyler Mane, again making the role his own) is placed into an ambulance by no fewer than six deputies and carted off to the morgue, in a van with only two drivers. I dunno, man. If I’m transporting the six foot nine inch body of someone who has just spent the evening tearing people apart and demonstrating a frightening resilience to physical trauma, I’m thinking that four or five other heavily armed guys should be on board just as a contingency. But hey, that’s just me.

Anyway, unless they’ve never seen a horror movie, anyone reading this knows precisely what happens next. Before long that ambulance has an accident, the driver’s are incapacitated and Michael wakes up.

And here is where we come to the first of several moments which eye rolls and the utterance of the words “what the hell?” just do not cover: As Michael approaches one of the men inside the wrecked morgue van, Zombie treats us to a three to four minute scene with this classic piece of dialogue: “Fuck. ..Fuck …fuck! fuck…fuck..fuck…fuck…help me! Fuck….fuck…” You get the idea. I realize that once Pulp Fiction hit and we entered the P.T. era (Post Tarantino) of cinematic profanity, all bets were off in regards to how much profanity we’d hear in a given moment. But this marks the first occasion in memory where I’ve watched a scene where literally 95% of the dialogue is one guy saying “fuck” about fifteen times. Zombie must have been burning up the keyboard when he was writing that gem.

So from there we get an effectively staged sequence paying homage to Rick Rosenthal’s 1981 feature. Michael follows his sister to the hospital, does in much of the staff , sets his sights on Laurie and then ……the scene ends on one of the all time great storytelling cop outs. In the interest of not posting spoilers I‘ll leave it at that , with the added comment that when I realized Zombie had actually trotted out this stale, criminally overused trope, I had to suppress my gag reflex.

Cut to one year later and now Zombie takes the film out of Carpenter territory and makes it his own. Laurie lives with Sherriff Bracken and his daughter Annie (Danielle Harris, challenging Dourif for the film’s best performance with her sympathetic, almost maternal nature), who herself is a survivor of that fateful night, with the physical scars to show for it.

Suffering chronic nightmares, Laurie is struggling to cope with the psychological scars of that night. She still doesn’t yet know that she and Michael are related, which makes it ever so weird for her when she begins to experience a psychic link with her psychotic sibling.

Meanwhile, Loomis has also recovered and is on the road promoting his latest book about Michael. While Malcolm McDowell is as entertaining s always, it’s another serious mark against Zombie that the Loomis character has no real reason for being in this movie. I’m not kidding. From what I was able to gather , Loomis has returned only to serve the dual functions of acting like a prick and have the ire of a deeply scarred Haddonfield populace directed at him. How low does the doctor sink in this flick? At one point he is upstaged on live television (in what is actually a very funny scene) by Weird Al Yankovic.

Of course the other plot thread woven into these two storylines is that of Michael himself, who is trekking across the open country, heading back to Haddonfield for a surprise rendezvous with his beloved Boo. He makes the journey wearing a tattered hoodie and sporting a beard, only slipping the decaying mask on when his impulse to murder takes control.

Over the course of his travels, we are allowed glimpses of what actually goes on behind those malevolent eyes. It seems that Michael is repeatedly visited by the vision of his ghostly mother (Sheri Moon Zombie) and a white horse (some Freudian or Jungian representation of rage). Momma Myers encourages Michael (who in the visions interacts with her as the image of his younger self) to find Laurie so they can be a family again and “go home“.

These sequences are a mixed bag. The ghostly vision thread kind of grew on me, but Zombie must think that everyone going to see one of his films is as in love with his wife as he obviously is, because she appears in the film far too often. By the last half hour, this “vision’ is on screen for every other scene. They could have trimmed her appearances in half and it would have had more impact.

Then there are the murders Michael commits along the way. Look, I enjoy a good juicy movie kill as much as the next horror fan (and make no mistake, Halloween II’s kills are brutal), but some of the murders he commits during his trip home are so random that it rapidly becomes apparent Zombie knew he had a thin storyline and was just padding the action out with cannon fodder.

I want to also take moment to address another aspect of the film that was somewhat annoying: Throughout the first half of Halloween II ,whenever Michael is stabbing someone, he issues a series of short barking grunts of rage. I am aware that Zombie wanted to humanize the character and -at first- the sound actually added a little something. It did in fact make him more believable, adding a palpable touch to the proceedings. But hearing him make those sounds repeatedly began to detract from certain scenes. After all, Michael’s silence has always been one of his more terrifying attributes.

So at this point you’re thinking A) is this review ever going to end? And B) Didn’t he mention, way back at the beginning of the review, that there were moments of brilliance?
Indeed there are. About midway through the film Michael arrives at the Rabbit in Red bar/strip club (heretofore only referenced as a name on a matchbook cover in the 1978 film). This sequence is a perfect example of how to film an assault by Michael Myers. The set up, the appearance of Myers in the scene, the lighting.. it all comes together so perfectly that watching it is breathtaking .

With that scene Zombie’s imagination seems to have kicked in, because the story threads begin to come together and the film finds a more even tone. Loomis has returned to Haddonfield for a book signing , Michael finally makes it to within city limits and Laurie (who has been growing progressively more disturbed thanks to the combination of the continual psychic flashes linking her to her brother and some disturbing information she has read in Loomis’s tell-all book ) is out with the girls for a Halloween night of reckless abandon.

Eventually things come to a head, leading to a memorably tense final conflagration on the outskirts of town (followed by a requisite downbeat coda which may or may not leave the door open for a sequel, depending upon individual interpretation). It is easily this half of the movie where the heart and soul of the story lie, including a bravura, masterstroke moment when Zombie powerfully evokes sympathy for a dying victim in the aftermath of a particularly nasty attack.

There are also random victims selected during this portion of the film, but because it takes place within Haddonfield, it seems appropriate. Where earlier we had a scene with a couple of hillbillies having an encounter with Myers in a field somewhere, here we have local kids in a 70’s style van coming face to face with Myers as Foghat’s “I Just Wanna Make Love To You” pounds on the soundtrack. Rather than seeming extraneous, these later sequences seem fitting for both the franchise and the genre. Indeed, it is here where both Zombie’s grim sensibilities and sense of dark playfulness are the most apparent. Also, as a bonus, Michael is quieter in this portion of the film, skewing more closely to the silent monolith we love to fear

In the end, Halloween II suffers on the screenplay level and from some elements which, original though they may be, do not necessarily lend themselves to the tale of Michael Myers. The Ghost Mother was overplayed, there were too many random victims, Laurie’s psychic link isn’t well developed (reaching histrionic proportions by the climax) and Loomis is largely wasted.

However , I have to balance that against a steady pace, some beautifully staged carnage, the continuingly terrifying presence of Michael Myers and two emphatic, endearing performances from Brad Dourif and Danielle Harris, both of whom go a long way towards redeeming the whole for it’s lesser parts.

What we have here is a horror film that excels at the grue, but falters with it’s story. Come to think of it, this film suffers the exact opposite fate Zombie’s first trip to Haddonfield did. In the 2007 movie, a strong backstory was not supported by what was essentially a lame rehash of the superior Carpenter film. Here the problem is reversed. The story is weak, but when Michael is on the rampage it’s hard to deny Zombie’s craftsmanship and ability to keep the attention of the audience riveted on the screen.

Zombie said this was going to be his own movie, not a remake. Save for the opening sequence, he delivers on that statement. This truly is Rob Zombie’s Halloween II..for better and for worse. Now let’s hope he follows through on his other comment and walks away from Michael Myers, turning his attention to a project that will bring out the truly great film he has lurking within him.

After a lot of thought and despite some serious reservations with the screenplay, I’m coming down more in favor of this sequel than against it. Rob Zombie’s Halloween II receives 7.5 out of 10 sleazy guys who get curb-checked Michael Myers style..without the curb.