I watched Curse of El Charro because it was billed as staring Danny Trejo. I love Danny Trejo, he kicks butt, I'll watch just about anything with him in it, I wrote to my Congressman about getting the "Machete" feature funded.

Unfortunately, Danny Trejo isn't in El Charro. He does a voiceover. This means that the Curse of El Charro represents 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back. It does feature a cameo by Lemmy from Motorhead, which probably would have been enough to convince me to give it a look had I known about it in advance. But Lemmy doesn't save this movie either (though he went a small way toward making up for the false advertising about Danny Trejo).

To say this movie starts off slowly is an understatement. Absolutely nothing happens for more than an hour. After that, there's some OK slasher action, but it's over almost immediately. The heroine's religious and crazy because her sister killed herself. She has completely obnoxious friends of varying degrees of stereotypical sluttiness and cattiness who hate her and each other, and they all drive into the desert for the weekend together for no readily discernable reason.

While there, El Charro attacks, because the crazy chick has a cursed bloodline. Or something. Maybe Lemmy explained when he showed up in an amusing and actually pretty decent sepia-toned flashback sequence (the best part of the movie hands down - it reminded me of the Trisomy Films short "They Hypostatic Union" that was on the Feeding the Masses DVD), but I was too busy being excited that Lemmy might do something worth watching to pay attention. Anyhow, the bitchy friends and some assorted hangers on get hacked up, and [spoiler - oh, wait, it's impossible to spoil this movie] an angel suddenly arrives and saves crazy religious chick before El Charro can kill her. Demonstrating that God has a sadistic sense of humor in this movie, because a just God would only have sent the angel down to say "you're so crazy and mopey and addled that even God can't stand it, so I'm just here to cheer."

2 out of 10.