This movie does not waste any time in delivering the action. It starts out with our tragic protagonist Francesco Dellamorte talking on the phone. As he is talking, he hears a knock at the door. It turns out it is a zombie. Francesco, anticipating this, caps the fucker in the head, then casually gets back into his phone conversation.

Francesco is a caretaker for a cemetery. His mentally challenged friend Gnaghi (noggy) helps him with these duties. This is no average cemetery however. For some reason, the dead are coming back to life. These zombies are aptly called “returners”. Dellamorte has accepted this and feels it is his duty to see that the “returners” are sent back to the grave once and for all. If this undead epidemic were to be exposed, he could lose his job. This is his line of logic.

Dellamorte is a very intriguing character. He is depressed, suffers from low self-esteem, is very philosophical, is very unlucky in love, has wild rumors about him spread about town, and has an odd preoccupation with reading phone books. Oh yeah, he is also a freakin’ zombie killin’ machine. It is this desensitization to killing and death that eventually starts Dellamorte’s dark downward spiral into despair and destruction.

One day, Francesco sees a mourning widow at the cemetery. He is instantly transfixed on her and falls instantly in love. In a wild turn of events, she eventually does the same. Then, as they are getting it on atop her deceased husband’s grave ("they hid nothing from each other", she claims), her husband “returns” and bites the woman and she dies of fright, or the bite, or something like that. Francesco is crushed, and vows that they will be together forever. All that changes however, when she comes back to cash in on that promise. There are some things that happen after this, including a relationship involving our friend Gnaghi (I will not spoil this one for you), a busload of zombie boy scouts, motorcycle zombies, Death himself, a righteous killing spree, many zombie asskickings, and much more. I will leave the plot as it is, because you really have to watch this play out to appreciate it.

The zombies in this movie are top notch. A couple of them are downright frightening. The gore is also exceptional, as is the violence. You see decapitations, cars running over people, many, many gun wounds. It’s all in here! There is some good nudity going on too. You see Anna Falchi in different stages of unclothedness. There are also some beefcake (non Gnaghi) ass shots for all you non-traditional guys and traditional girls. Something for everybody, even necrophiliacs (please remain anonymous)!

The acting was good. Francesco and Gnaghi are very well developed characters. Everybody pulls it off, despite being put into some extremely awkward situations. I found myself legitimately concerned about the characters and their well being. I found that quite impressive with such an over the top premise of zombies and unrequited love. The humor is top notch and frequent also, though this is not a comedy, as some sources have suggested. The storyline is excellent from beginning to end (especially the end). Michele Soavi’s direction and vision with this movie was excellent. Soavi is influenced by Dario Argento, and you can see some of this in Soavi’s beautiful imagery and creative camerawork.

Overall, I can’t say enough about this movie. Fucking top notch. This is a thinking person’s zombie flick. Very deep and philosophical, yet full of action and ludicrous humor.

I give this 10 out of 10 little girl’s decapitated heads stuck in a TV set.

This review was fueled by Amon Amarth and Gatorade. What can I say, I have to work in the morning.

I went into this movie expecting something simple. Zombies in a graveyard, guy has to put them back, etc etc. Sounds pretty straightforward right? So I was pleasantly surprised when I actually had to pay attention and think during the entire movie. There are hidden meanings and many layers woven throughout the plot. I had to go to imdb to look some of them up. Yeah I’m not super deep girl. Well at least not in movie meanings.

The acting was top notch from everyone. Francois Hadji-Lazaro, the guy who plays Gnaghi, was also in Brotherhood of the Wolf and is the lead singer of his own French rock band. I’m not sure if that’s an oxymoron or not. Rupert Everett was great playing the lackadaisical zombie killer and seducer of widows.

I agree with Payne that this is not a comedy. It had a lot of really funny bits but to call it a comedy implies a certain degree of lightheartedness which this movie really doesn’t have.

Great gore, great acting, and a interesting plot that keeps you guessing makes this movie a keeper, now I have to go get a copy for myself.

7 out of 10 girls covered in vomit I wouldn’t let sit behind me on a motorcycle.