I’ve always considered myself to be a devout follower of Charles Band, through thick and thin. There’s been quite a bit of thin, but also some silver lining served up now and again. This is a case of that silver lining. “But Paynecraft!” you say, “There’s an imprisoned female band, shrunken heads, killer dolls, and a murderous butler in clown makeup. How can this be any good?” Well, my friends, you may not know this, but that is the EXACT recipe for Full Moon madness at its finest!

Negative props to me for not watching this movie earlier. I caught it a couple days ago on cable. I don’t usually gravitate to killer doll movies (wow, upon further retrospection, this is a total lie) so I missed this on the first go round. Shame on me.

Here’s the lowdown. A genius eccentric billionaire with a terrible deformity apparently loses a legal battle, costing him a billion dollars. He chooses to seek revenge on the people who cost him this money. He calls on his trusty clown-faced butler to command a trio of animated killer dolls to do the dirty work for him. It’s not so easy though, as he is matched up against an adversary of seemingly equal mental capacity. The rest of the movie progresses into a mental chess match between the two.

There are a couple things I like about this movie. One, is the smart dialogue. I enjoyed all the witticism. The next is the sheer weirdness of it all. The guy with the shrunken head is one thing. The little guy who keeps the female band in line is another (“play number 7, you bitches!”). Plus, you can’t complain about the terrible lip synching that the band does, since you’ve already come to terms that this dude is holding a band captive in his house to begin with. This is a new rule I just made up.

The movie is pretty funny at times. The acting is good as well. William Paul Burns does an excellent job as the clown-faced butler/assassin. Jack Maturin is good as the evil Virgil Travis. The rest of the acting goes from slightly cold to believable to hilarious.

The special effects are pretty damn good. This is where I feel Full Moon really shines. They know how to stretch a special effects dollar like nobody’s business, my homies.

The movie flows pretty well though the ending(s) kind of took me by surprise, considering who I originally thought to have had the upper hand. No matter. It ended well nonetheless, both times.

There were pretty good killings and a good torture/death scene. You have to take everything with a grain of salt when 12-inch dolls are wreaking havoc and killing and stuff. Still, the dolls add style.

Overall, I was quite pleased with this movie. I watched it twice in the last week. It has a great soundtrack and good atmosphere. It might not be for everybody. The believability factor is way out there, but the entertainment factor is what counts in this case.

I give this 7 out of 10 gay drifters (or big brawny guys bicep-curling 5 pound weights, take your pick).

This review was fueled by Stockyard Oatmeal Stout and Cradle of Filth’s Nymphetamine.