First, get it out of your mind that Audition is straight horror. I don’t even think it qualifies as horror in the Japanese sense, it isn’t really creepy, it’s disturbing, deeply disturbing. There are a few instances of what I like to refer to as “jump scares,” but again, not horror, I would call it a twisted romantic thriller.

Audition is the tale of a widowed man named Shigeharu, who 7 years after his wife’s death is prompted by his son that he should marry again. Shigeharu mentions this to a co-worker at a film production company, his friend in turn thinks up the brilliant idea of selecting a potential bride from an audition of about 30 women. The women are told they are auditioning for a film called “Tomorrow's Heroine.”

Shigeharu becomes smitten with one of the women named Asami and she reciprocates the feeling. Great, Shigeharu has found his next soul mate, but that seems a little too easy doesn’t it? Problems start becoming apparent when Shigeharu’s pal at the production company can’t verify any of Asami’s references citing that none of them check out, in fact one of them has been missing for over a year. By this time however, Shigeharu is way too infatuated with Asami to listen to reason and warning. They do say “love is blind” and if that is the case then lust is deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid.

Do be warned, Audition moves at a snail’s pace, it isn’t horrible, and I wasn’t praying for death, but those looking for a thrilling, white-knuckled, splatfest will be greatly disappointed! Things don’t get rolling, or even remotely weird or abnormal until about an hour into the movie or so. Also, there are all kinds of strange edits that take us suddenly to a new location, while the ongoing conversation between Shigeharu and Asami doesn’t skip a beat. There are actually a few instances of an edit whisking us to somewhere else, leaving us scratching our heads wondering what the hell’s going on, or what happened. I couldn’t help but think of David Lynch during some of this.

Director Miike definitely knew what he was doing, in the end Asami makes Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction seem like Cinderella’s fairy Godmother. Add to the fact that Asami is an incredibly thin, frail little thing that you’d never expect would be capable of doing the things she does. I enjoyed it, I don’t feel like I am a better person for having seen it, but I’m not wishing the two hours of my life back either. If you’re interested by crazy torturous females, I say go for it, but the crimson stuff doesn’t run until about the last 15 minutes, but when it does, ugh, look out, it’s pretty disturbing, and disgusting, especially the sound effects.

6 out of 10 Burn marks on the inside upper thigh

Takashi Miike is definitely a filmmaker that straddles the line between a commercial film and pure art like no other. The man's clearly something special. I don't care much for his movies, I've never bought one, but damned if I'm not compelled to watch them.

The art is that I don't enjoy watching. I often don't understand his point, but as I sit there waiting to see where the insanity is going to happen, I know it means something. The movie wasn't made to entertain me. I think it was made to entertain Miike. I watch for the most base of motives, I am the least common denominator. I watch to see the shocking parts. I want to see what taboo subjects he'll exploit this time. I want to see how brutal his violence will get. I want to be shocked and titillated. I want to be disgusted and horrified. I was.

This movie is ungodly boring. There was interesting things from time to time, but the entire point of the first hour is to make you feel how long and uneventful that hour could be. It sets you up so the last couple scenes could knock you down.

I won't take away from this film by mentioning any of the disturbing images it uses. I can't tell you how I interpreted the ending, I don't know if I even really tried. I just went, "damn."

But I'll say that for me the ending scene that everyone seems to talk about wasn't the worst, I can't go into it, but it involved what was in a sack earlier on. Grotesque in ways I didn't even know was possible.