Edward Carnby is a paranormal investigator who stumbles onto a secret that has been around for years. Aline Cedrac is a museum curator who help out Carnby with a situation he is having. Commander Richards runs section 713 an alien hunting task force. There are a bunch of monsters running loose killing people. Now with the plot in motion who will be able to make sense of this film?

Alone in the Dark? More like Alone in the Theater.

The following is a true story. Once when I was 15 and working on the family farm, I had the great chore of graining the cattle, not a bad job to do. One day as I was graining the cows one walked by me and at first I thought I had walked into a stream of cobwebs. As I stood and dusted the stringy yet viscous material off of my lips, eyes and nose, I thought, how strange, a mass of cobwebs floating through the air.

Then as I turned my head to the right I saw our large angus bull with his massive bull pecker out and dragging the ground, I then turned to my left and saw the cow that passed me’s vagina. The cow's massive poon was red, swollen and looked as full as an éclair. That's right your friend and humble movie reviewer the Prime had just walked through a bull-semen-floating-jizz-web, I had received a facial! I ran to the nearest water tub and dunked my head in to clean myself off, what a truly bizarre event! Now why did I tell you this you ask? Because I would gladly go through that again then sit through another viewing of this horrible movie.

This flick is horrible from start to finish, it has no set plot and the story is absolutely absurd. I should have known the minute I saw the name Uwe Boll (House of the Dead), to get the hell on out of the theater.

Christian Slater stars as Carnby and he is OK but all he does is run around saying "Go!", I swear he yells this about 100 times. Aiding Slater is Tara “I'm one step from being a porn star” Reid, who is supposed to run a museum, yeah, wearing clothing that would make Britney Spears blush. My God, she is horrible. Then in a role for nothing more than a little menace is Stephen Dorff who plays a military guy after aliens or something, I couldn't keep up with all the plot retelling.

The video game that this flick was based on was almost like a haunted house adventure, I have no idea what this film was supposed to be about. It looks bad, sounds bad and I think the film actually smelled bad.

I have no doubt that this flick will be the worst film of 2005 and it deserves it in spades. I honestly could not make heads or tales of this flick and the ending? Dear Lord, it ruins all of the stuff you kinda learn about from the beginning. This film is just a total waste of time and money, avoid at all costs.

1/10