When a young couple stays at a hotel after crashing their car and nearly running over a woman with her tongue cut out, they learn that something’s wrong with it after interfering with a sacred ritual on Mexico’s Day of the Dead. This movie is described as “The Ring” meets “Night of the Living Dead.” Is this true? Ummm...How about not?

Now, I knew when I first heard about this movie, I wasn’t going to have high hopes for it. But still, I wanted to take one for the Horror Watch team. Besides, it had zombies in it! Granted, I’ll never be the zombiephile Flames and Horrorist are, but I love those rotting corpses. So, I thought to myself: What’s the worst that could happen?

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

From the first scene, I didn’t expect much, but we are introduced to Vargas, the Big Bad Boss-Man. Danny Trejo plays this part, so I was slightly intrigued. Something bad happens, I won’t say what since it may be a little spoiler, but it’s bad. We flash forward to the 1950’s where your average family is taking a vacation. When I saw Jeffrey Combs as the father, I started getting into it and paid attention.

They stop at a hotel and have to check themselves in. This is when my gripes start coming in. The mother tries to talk some old woman, completely IGNORING the HUGE puddle of blood that a little girl is cleaning up. Uhhh...Lady? How do you MISS that?! Anyways, the old woman just hisses. Their kids are arguing; the typical misunderstood teenager and the little preteen. Except he was crippled, recovering from Polio. This was new... Well, when Sissy takes a bath (No nudity, sorry Prime) her bath water suddenly goes down the drain. She runs into her room screaming at her brother, except some creepy little kid with a skeleton face is there. More screaming...She runs outside and right into the hands of some zombies.

And now we flash forward again and meet Joss and Alicia, the usual couple on their way to meet Mummy and Daddy. You know the rest of the story.

There are some things I learned while watching this movie. Like, nearly running over a woman with her tongue cut out is not a good enough reason to leave town. I don’t care if your car is broken, you run! Staying in a haunted hotel isn’t enough either, oh no! Also, did you know that instead of shooting zombies, you should shoot into the air because it scares them? You didn’t? Well, neither did I!

There were the typical stereotypes: The idiotic blond bimbo that surprisingly doesn’t get naked; The “Hero” man of the movie who sounds like he’s from the OC; the black man who acts like a thug; The Mexican chick who sees what really happened in the hotel; the sheriff who acts cool. The only characters I liked in here was Alicia, the Mexican chick, and the Sheriff, who looks familiar somehow. I wanted everyone else to die.

The zombies looked a little decent. My favorite was the one in the jailhouse, that chick wouldn’t stay down! Of course, I wanted them to be rotting more, more blood. They seemed like wimpy zombies! They couldn’t even break down a door! Come on, people! Put some back into it!

The plot...Oh god, I hated it. The reason behind the zombies confused me a little bit, and I found myself not caring. Seriously. And I totally ended up hating with a passion the scenes leading up to the ending. PayneCraft said that it was a rip-off of some other movie, and I believe it. But, unlike him, I seriously ended up hating this one and feeling somewhat cheated.

The Good News: Jeffrey Combs is in it for ten minutes! Yay! And I was able to get through it, so it was watchable

The Bad News: Everything else. I think there is ONE boob scene; I wanted more gore, though we see a severed tongue and a severed leg. Like I said, I felt cheated. And that blond chick Erica....Ugh, a total Paris Hilton wannabe.

Please, people, I suggest you stay away from this one. There are much better zombie movies out there. We all know it. And remember: Every time you watch a sucky horror movie, God makes another one.

1 out of 10 shotguns

Finally watched this, and I gotta say I disagree with Relics most of the way through. I had some problems with it, too, and I didn't find much of interest in the way of subtexts or meaning, but as a whole I thought All Souls Day was fun and somewhat unique.

Bad Stuff
The majority of the film's structure was indeed formulaic, bringing little that was new. By "structure" I mean mainly the function of the characters, what their roles are in relation to each other, what basic things happen to each of them, and the themes and ordering of the movie's acts (the initial scenes from the past, the "down" moment when the characters try to come up with a plan, the exposition scene closer to the end, etc.). There were unique elements, but often enough they felt more like variations on a familiar theme than something really new. (Then again, I may’ve just characterized about 90% of horror movies.)

The original score was nicely composed and at times beautiful, but frequently inappropriate to the tone of the film. I would've liked less melodrama, more silence, and the inclusion of Mexican styles of music.

The movie also has its share of holes and stretches, silly character decisions, etc. And a few of the "spooky things" that happen are either juvenile or, sadly, unexplained.

However...
I was expecting All Souls Day to be pretty lame, and I was pleasantly surprised. There are many negative reviews of this movie floating around, and most that I've read clearly missed a number of details. And frankly, I'm not sure what standards some of the harsher critics are using. (I mean, if you compare it to Romero, of course it’ll suffer.) There's definitely a big difference between the unrated version I saw and the version aired on the Sci-Fi channel; this might account for much of my more positive opinion.

Good Stuff
There were some really harsh bits, the gore was plenteous if sporadic, and the plot generally made sense even if some details did not.

At some point in the movie, the characters become refreshingly nonstereotypical. The wisecracking white guy at least doesn't insult his friends and girlfriend. The tough black guy is attentive and caring, and in the regular world he's working on his medical degree. The blonde bimbo proves quite resourceful. (Her cheerleading practice apparently gave her aerial abilities bordering on Kung Fu, as well. Maybe all cheerleaders can do this; I mean, 'nuff respect to their athleticism and discipline, but it felt a bit too House of the Dead for me.) The local mysterious Mexican chick who knows everything... well, maybe it's not unique, but it makes sense. (Sort of.) Even the gritty sheriff's motivations and background are explained and given some multidimensionality.

None of the characters act like typical victims. The men and women are equally resourceful and active. And although tensions within the group do rise in a way that seems forced and requisite, the viewer never has to suffer through the classic "Asshole vs. Hero conflict threatening to tear the group apart, blah blah."

The unrated DVD has a fair amount of nudity. Not lots, but it's there, including the bathtub scene. (Sorry, Danny Trejo fans, but although he gets sexy he doesn't get naked. Actually, I was really glad for this.) This must not've been the edit Relics saw.

Despite what I said about the structure, the film's ending surprised me. It felt a bit patched together, but was unusual for a modern zombie picture, so I had no big problems with it. Also, the fact that there are three different time periods shown -- the late 1800s, the 1950s, and the present -- and that they all tie together intelligently (despite some flaws in the detail), adds a great dimension to what would otherwise be a run-of-the-mill narrative progression.

The Zombies
The zombies were quite nasty-looking; the makeup and prosthetics (by Almost Human) were very detailed and gave them a monstrous appearance. They weren't so much creepy as grotesque, with all levels of blood, decay, disfigurement, and even bloating. (Many of the zombies were modeled on real-life photos of cadavers and accident victims.)

Unfortunately, the zombies are shown mostly in quick takes, long shots, and at night, so the effects are easily missed. In fact, given that shortcoming, I'm impressed that this much work would've been put into zombies that were not all that visible, since I suspect they would've held up under more Romeroesque close-ups and longer takes (à la Day of the Dead). Many other zombie flicks with this kind of budget and schedule might've skimped by just throwing on extra blood, powder, or oatmeal instead of creating such detailed and unique looks for the zombies.

One zombie is a hyper, snarling, screaming, high-jumping kicker of ass, like one of the "she-bitches" from Army of Darkness only much sexier. All the others are flesh-hungry shamblers. (This may've made sense in that the hyper was only recently dead.) Again, none of the zombies are really creepy, per se, but they are suitably horrific. There are also one or two surprises for modern zombie traditionalists (who should learn that the "rules" they believe in are already late additions to zombie cinema, and can be changed).

In concept, All Souls Day can be placed right next to Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill; both films deal with modern folks trapped in a tiny town full of zombies with a past that goes back to the days of the Old West, plus other similarities.

However, Death Valley is crappy. All Souls Day is not. There are a few solidly creepy parts, a fairly interesting plot, and a decent amount of zombie goodness for mindless entertainment.

Review Rating
6.5 out of 10 cute family names for white folks