...you begin to hear zombie references in the song 'Walking After Midnight' by Patsy Cline.

...you’re responding to this thread.

...you are complaining to a friend about Wal-Mart not having the roll down gates, thus making barricading even harder when the zombie apocalypse happens.

...you select a hardware tool based on functionality, price, and its ability to double as a bludgeoning weapon on Z Day.

...you're the only person in the theatre giggling in delight while the zombie's feed.

...you've scoped out all the local malls to see which one holds the best stores for zombie survival.

...Every time you glance at the mortuary next door you feel the need to clean your gun.

...you choose your new home based on penetrability factors.

...you begin to evaluating each rotting corpses' "boyfriend potential".

...your DVD collection has more "Z" titles than any other letter.

...you participate in obscenely long internet threads about the physics of rotting zombies.

...you have to get an uptake scan which entails ingesting radioactive iodine and you wonder if you get enough to turn into a zombie Return of the Living Dead style.

...you see the Terry Schaivo video footage on the news and are sad you missed the part where she got up and ate her parents.

...A loved one dies and you immediately begin mixing chemicals in your "lab".

...you attack someone who has a limp, screaming, "Die, zombie, die."

...you’re sitting in a funeral home and trying to decide which installment of the Dead Trilogy the recently departed would be the best prop for.

...you've boarded up all of the windows and all of the doors in your house.

...you head to the nearest graveyard, dig up the bodies, and blow off their heads to make sure they won't becoming after you.

..you buy a new release paperback just because it's titled Day of the Dead even though there are no zombies in it.

...you sit dumbfounded in your high school guidance couselor's office as he says "I'm sorry I just can't seem to find the address of Miskatonic University anywhere to send your transcript to."

...you keep yourself awake at night wondering which routes you should take if zombies invade your town.

...While lying in bed during the throes of passion, the thought of eating your wife takes on an entirely different meaning.

...you've had to utter the phrase "It's not really necrophilia if they are just gonna get back up in a few minutes" while talking to any type of courthouse official.

...if you make plans for emergency escapes and practice them with your room mates/family members.

...you name your first born Bub.

...you go to a gun store and ask which weapon is more suitable for blowing someone's head off. "It's for a school Project!"

...you watch the evening news every night to see if there is any signs of a possible zombie outbreaks.

...you wonder at church if Lazarus was a zombie.

...you can say you've watched "The Video Dead", "Corpses Are Forever", and "House of the Dead" and STILL be a fan of the zombie film genre!

...you start attacking random people and trying to suck out their brains.

...you are surprised to find out there is such a thing called romance/romantic comedy.

...you have a floor plan of your local mall hidden in a secure location, and you've already picked 3 friends to take with you should the 'occasion' arise.

...you flunked a Philosophy 101 class by answering every question with the statement "They're us. We're them and they're us."

...you've realized how absurd the concept of a hyper zombie is, and come to the conclusion that shamblers are much more logically & scientifically sound.

...you've gone on a date with a woman named Barbara just so you could say "I'm coming to get you Baaaarbaraaa."

...you're baby took its first steps, and you responded with the statement "Wow, that's my little shambler!"

...you think that Mindy Clarke looked hotter post-mortem.

...you realize you spent the last hour in the theater gnawing on the person next to you instead of popcorn.

...you hear about an explosion at a chemical processing plant near your home and you start to have odd ideas about the cemetery down the road.

...you hear your lover moaning and immediately get the shotgun.

...you've painted targets on all your doors and windows at "approximate head height" for easier aiming.

...you get an itchy trigger finger around stumbling drunks and sleepy people.

...you play Resident Evil and complain on how you can't kill the zombies with head shots with your hand gun.

...you want to kill the person who gave the "Fans of the game will love the movie" review for Resident Evil: Apocalypse.

...you're not allowed to leave the house anymore during Halloween.

...you practice your gun shootings on scarecrows.

...you stop at every graveside service you pass just to make sure they're going in, not out.

...you've invited George Romero over for your birthday.

...you post "Save a human, go vegetarian" signs in all local cemeteries.

...you call up your insurance agent to see if Zombie Apocalypse is covered in your homeowner's policy.

...you strongly encourage all local clergy to learn to "kick ass for the Lord".

...you start a "Bury the head apart from the dead" campaign.

...you clean out granddad’s old bomb shelter, rename it the zombie shelter, and stock it with food, water, and every firearm known to man.

...your wife is teaching you daughter numbers you are teaching her to "Shoot'em in the head"

...your 3 year old tells you that Zombiez sucks.

...the first movie you daughter watched from start to finish was Dawn of the Dead (78).

...you limp and moan your way through the mall, just because it feels Soo Right.

...you become depressed and go sit on a grave hoping to "end it all".

...you try every zombification method known before admitting defeat and surrendering your boyfriend's corpse to authorities.

...you sit in the morgue, quietly waiting, day after day, knowing in your heart that the Apocalypse is nigh.

...every time you visit a mortuary you have to be asked to stop poking the deceased.

...attending a funeral entails several clip checks, shoulder, hip and ankle holsters, a guitar case and several lbs. of spare ammo.

...while grocery shopping you must be asked more than once to stop licking the ground beef.

...you take out an ad to recruit followers of the Cult of The Zombie Apocalypse, "bring your own robe".

...you realize the smell coming form for hubby is not the natural man smell... but his zombie skin rotting..

...you sit on your lawn day and night with zombie bait, BRAINS...waiting for the little butt munches to make their move.

...you dye your hair blond hoping that the loss of IQ will make you less appetizing to the zombies.

...you think the best birthday surprise is a zombie party for your hubby...(true story).

...you rent all ,I MEAN ALL, of the zombie movies you can think of just for pointers on what to do on the day the zombies come back home.

...you just know that some how the government is coming up with a bio-weapon to bring the dead to life.

...you look at your family thinking of the best way to off them.. just in case.

...you look at a map just to see if you can find raccoon city, or silent hill and possible escape routes for the people who live there.

...you receive your copy of Feeding the Masses.

...you go around humming "I Walked With A Zombie".

...songs like We Will Rise, Die MF Die and Got the Life gets a new meaning to you.

...you start referring to sick people as "infected."

...someone posts a diss on Land of the Dead, and it sparks post after post of book-length rebuttals.

...you take daily trips to the doctor but every time you return with the same answer, "You are not turning into a zombie you crazed son of a bitch."

...you hire a few hundred people, dress them up like zombies, send them into your neighborhood, all the while screaming. "It's the apocalypse."

...you decide to make the cemetery your new home.

...you constantly write letters to the government, saying release the zombies.

...you become a zombie rights activist.

...you go to your local McDonalds and try and order brains.

...you think WMD stands for Weapons of Mass Dezombiefication.

...you get pissed if someone jumps in front of a bullet for you, because you know they're going to boast about it until their tongue rots off.

...you know that the original "zom-rom-com" isn't Shaun of the Dead.

...you wonder if, when zombies take over the world, People magazine will change its name to Zombies magazine.

...someone tells you that you have nice skin, you tell them that they can't have any of it.

...you wake up and there's human body parts in your refrigerator.

...you realized that you needed a girlfriend....so you stole someone's body...and made one.

...you find no need for porn or any other "outlet" just zombie flicks.

...your're 47 and live with your parents cause you spend all your money on zombie flicks.

...you get drunk one night and wake up the next day with a dead person.

...the back of the box on the night of the living dead tape is your bible.

...your friend goes out for a cigarette and you find yourself wondering if he'll return as one of the walking dead, because you never know what the Tobacco Companies are putting in their products these days.
"You know you've watched too many ROMERO zombie movies when...." your friend goes out for a cigarette and you find yourself wondering if the disintegration of the group is a symbol of overall social decay.
"You know you've watched too many FULCI zombie movies when...." your friend goes out for a cigarette and you find yourself wondering what a cigarette burned through someone's eye would look like.

...you spotted Tom Savini and Simon Pegg in Land of the Dead, but it takes you awhile to recognize that guy who Angelina Jolie's been hanging out with lately.

...you've run out of zombie movies to watch.

...you work at a video store and you open the box containing Feeding the Masses and scream like a little girl.

...you go to eBay and see a product entitled "REAL Zombie urine" and immediately buy it.

...you cry every time at the end of a zombie movie if the humans won.

...you ever snuck behind a hospital and stole their garbage looking for body parts and diseased organs for your "Lab" which consists of one test tube and a bunch of wires you really have no idea what to do with.

...you get into arguments with people who don’t know the difference between zombies and vampires and it always turns violent.

...you try to find verses in the bible to crack the possible "zombie Omega code."

...you live in the city and you still feel the need to own a machete and a chainsaw.

...you move away from the big city strictly because you know you'll be screwed when Z Day hits.

...you often eat expired food just for the slight chance it could change you chemical balance changing you into a zombie.

...you past 5 Halloween costume were all zombies and still you think its the best costume ever.

...you're suing over 3 con-artist companies for falsely claiming to be able to help you and your "zombie" needs.

...you look outside your window, see dozens of zombies ripping apart your neighbors limb by limb and your first thought in your mind is "Gee, Savini really did a good job in Day of the Dead. Sally from across the streets intestines really look similar."

...you look outside your blood-soaked window, see your entire neighborhood has been overrun by zombies and the first thing to pop in your mind is "I hope they play my favorite episode of Seinfeld on TBS next."

...you have an idea copy written about inventing a newly designed casket with a deadbolt.

...you have a seriously heated debate on whether or not zombies can evolve into being smart enough to shoot a gun.

...you have sex while watching day of the dead. and like it.

...watching day of the dead and you gave up sex to do so.

...the concept of 'turning the doorknob' has become too complicated for you. Instead, you just start banging on the door, throwing your body against it, and moaning at it, hoping it will give way.

...the people who once considered you family start boarding up their doors and windows just to keep you out, and you don't know why.

...you've replaced the headboard of your bed with a tombstone and cover your sheets with a layer of dirt, just so you can live out your wildest fantasy every time you wake up in the morning.

(A) ... Things go a bit too far one night, and next thing you know, you wake up the following morning 'spooning' with your Day of the Dead Divimax Special Edition DVD. Oh, man -- what exactly happened last night?
(Let's call this "Morning After of the Dead.")
(B) ... You're so embarrassed by the little 'incident' with your Day of the Dead DVD that you decide never to mention it to your Dawn of the Dead Ultimate Edition. Why cause unnecessary hurt? Everyone’s better off if Dawn doesn’t know.

...you start to wonder why those zombies love flesh so much, and you start to think, hmm, what does flesh taste like they really seem to like it, and you lick your arm, and, oh, salty, and hmm.. does everyone taste like salty goodness, hmm, you lick the cheek of the stranger next to you in the theater and.... blamo you have a broken nose, and the FBI registers you as a sex offender.

...you no longer consider your wife or girlfriend sexy, your mother isn't speaking to you and according to your father "YOU ARE NO LONGER MY SON!" just because of one small incident that happened between you and your dead grandma at the funeral...

...you've snorted your dead grandmother's urn that contained her ashes.

...you considered 'dead girl number 8 gnawing on man's hand number 3' to be sexy.

...you're in the mood and it's a toss up between zombies and porn.

...Dawn of The Dead is your "Ultimate Make out Movie" pick.

...you crave brains, Brains, Must Have Brains!!!!

...you turn zombie but starve to death watching Romero marathons.

...you heard the old story of Jeffery Dahmer and how he fed a cooked dead person to an old lady and you've always thought, "I don't know why she was really all that upset really, I mean she herself said she liked it before she knew..."

...every time someone speaks of cannibalism and how its bad you always argue against them.

...you once asked a person at a movie store, "Hey, you know of any cannibalistic cults around here...It's for a friend..."

...one of your all time dumbest out-loud thoughts concluded of, "You know, I never understand why we wasted perfectly good food burying grandpa, he was an asshole anyway...I MEAN uhh..."

...you walk into a funeral and scream there not dead unless you shoot ‘em in the head.

...you can seriously compete in a "You know you've watched too many zombie movies when...." contest.

...pink skin starts to look odd to you.

...you dress your 1 year old girl as a zombie for Halloween.

...you change your name to Rob Zombie.

...the first time you saw the video Thriller, you thought it was a zombie workout tape.

...you actually wake up after dying.

...you got drunk last night the one you woke up with wasn't as you remember dead sexy, but just dead.

...you fall asleep and wake up with a boner...at a funeral.

...you sometimes catch your-self staggering around moaning when in large crowds.

...you tend to eat all food without utensils.

...you start picking out actor you think could have done a better zombie.

...you tried to vote for Bub in the last presidential election. And when he didn't win, you shook your fist in the air and yelled "Choke on em! CHOKE ON EEEEEMMMMMMMM!"

...you've already planned a kickass soundtrack for your own funeral, on the off chance that you might actually get to hear it. (I think I'll pop out of the casket when "Back In Black" by AC/DC starts playing).

...your mother put your little brother to bed early and you said ‘look here woman, I wont have you going around doping up my men without orders from me, is that clear?” just before you got slapped.

...you tell the person in the apartment below you, “you can be boss down there. I’m boss up here.”

...you tried to order a zombie clown for your son’s birthday party.

...you call someone a pusfuck.

...you get booted from the mall for sliding down the escalator handrails yelling “heeeeeyyyy Peter! Whooooaaaa!”

...you insist Joseph Pilato is a great actor.

...you declare Sherman Howard the most underrated actor of all time.

...the only reason you even type on HorrorWatch is because, "It's all about the zombies, baby."

...you voted for Kerry because honestly guys, he would have made a FAR better zombie then Bush could have ever dreamed, I mean look at that droopy face...

...you refuse to say that...zed word...because it's ridiculous.

...your list of hobbies or medical advice includes 'removing the head or destroying the brain.'

...you are the only person with face paint on at the movies when a new zombie flick is released

...Max Brooks' Zombie Survival guide replaces your bible.

...Max Brooks' Zombie Survival guide is used as reference material.

...you contemplate if zombies are real.

...you wish zombies really existed.

...you've argued if the infected in 28 Days Later were, in fact "zombies", for an extended period of time.

...you run out of zombie movies and have to watch a cannibal movie to get your flesh eating fix.

...you popped a six foot boner when you got news of Stubbs the Zombie.

...you consider yourself a "gorehound."

...you frame-by-frame a zombie's head exploding.

...you truly appreciate B horror flicks.

...you think a bloody mary, a bite at the King's Head, a couple at the Little Princess, and staggering back to the bar for shots have nothing to do with food or alcohol.

...you're actually excited that your used copy of Shaun of the Dead has teeth marks on the box.

...you come up with a drinking game for Shaun of the Dead. You spot a reference to another zombie movie or foreshadowing, call it, name it, and everyone else drinks. Then you realize you'd be the only sober person in a room full of drunken bastards.

...you have different sections of your dvd collection clearly marked "shamblers" "runners" "twitchers" "Savinis" and "Romeros" meanwhile all other of your 400+ dvds are marked "Other."

In August of 2005 Shock-O-Rama Studios and Horrorwatch held a contest where readers were tasked to simply finish the following sentence:

"You know you've watched too many zombie movies when..."

We knew we'd get some good responses, but we never imagined we'd be inundated with so many great replies. So great, that they deserve to be preserved for posterity, and so that all who visit Horrorwatch may bask in our patented contest ass-kickery.

The winners (In no particular order): Monkeyghoul, Lord_J, Pumpkinking, Bloodsoaked, 1WingedAngel, Doomsday, Zared_20